Life in the slow lane

So, 2 lesbians, Virgin's in Flight and a Jucy Crib - all translates to holidaying in a campavan for 17 days in Queensland and Northern NSW, with 2 days in an apartment in Brisbane at the end before returning home. This isn't about too much luxury, as our campavan wouldn't have toilets or showers and we were on a tight budget - could it be done?

Here's a question what can you buy or where can you go for 2 hours with $2.80 per person? 

Answer:- Take the 901 from Ringwood, Victoria to Melbourne Airport (Tullamarine) and that's exactly what we did, complete with luggage to start our holiday. By comparison a taxi would have been the equivalent of $100 journey even going via the Eastlink and yes it may only have taken 45 mins in morning traffic or the alternative was get a Bus then train, then Skybus - this would have cost $5.80 each (zones 1 &2), several changes, plus walking and an extra $16 each one way or $26 each return and possibly just as long as our $2.80 each 901 journey.

So at the crack of stoopid (5 o'clock) on 8th November, we rose to a quick swill of tea, cleaning of the pearly whites, mad dash n' grab uphill to 1 bus stop, puffin' and a huffin' - note that's almost requiring Ventolin not a smoko. 

By 6am we were all aboard the slo mo 901 express (yes I know that's an oxymoron) and on our way to Melbourne Airport 

http://www.metlinkmelbourne.com.au/maps-stations-stops/metropolitan-buses/bus/3185 

We weaved our way through all zone 2 suburbs, visiting shopping centre after shopping centre, suburb after suburb and all the time it was getting lighter and lighter and day was breaking. It was actually a great way to see other places in Melbourne we had never visited and probably wouldn't have considered going to before.

By 8 am we got dumped by a Tiger - well more precisely Terminal 4 Tiger Airways at Melbourne Airport and made the short walk following the Yellow Taxi Road to a Terminal 3 Virgin (about 100m), luggage in tow. We then grabbed a lift to drop our bags off and then dashed like a 100m hurdler to empty into the cistern. Of course when that happens you immediately want to refill and quench your thirst, we also grabbed a quick snack, shopped till we dropped.

Finally we got secured and had a quick explosives check, we told him we had already de-gased. After a quick frisk we checked out the big birds on the tarmac through triple thick glass at the small end, we spied a Virgin squeeze through and saw some small ones entering, starred at some stars, with a boy with some big eyes who saw the big birds bottom out and then we flushed out one more time as we wanted to board the virgin on time.

Eventually we were called to stand in-line to board the virgin but were delayed by some late boarders who finally dragged themselves down the poor waiting virgin. Once inside the virgin we sat down to enjoy the view. The virgin began reaching her climax before flying off skywards. We rode the Virgin for about 2 hours and once she had docked herself airside, we dashed for the Virgin's loo.

We then went to pick up our old bags, one bag was well and truly strapped down and the other had a silver tassle upon her head, so we wheeled our old bags towards a cab. Once locked n loaded in the cab he sped off like Stirling Moss and even mounted the strip flying by our Jucy encounter and then got checked out by the Brisbane Jucy Kiwi's http://www.jucy.com.au/default.aspx . 

Jumped in the Jucy and glided down the freeway and surfaced at Surfer's, spied a Meter Maid and finally squeezed the Jucy into a space. Off we went to munch and crunch on club n coke, then came back to choke on a warning infringement notice from Gold Coast council bloke - "Welcome to Surfer's Mate!"

It was alleged that we were camping in a paying car park, all cos we were security conscious women, we had closed all our blinds, as advised by the Jucy Kiwi's, so I didn't choke on my meal, could take a trip down on the sands, shop for tomorrows brekkie at the local stupid-market. However the Gold Coast Council bloke decided that the diabetic, epileptic, asthmatic lesbian and her girlfriend were shacked up and naked in the back, so he slotted in the sliding door of our campavan and shot through with a warning notice about the local camping by-laws!

Whatever happened to fun, free loving hippy, happy highway and the byway? Well just in case Mr jobsworthy Gold Coast Council bloke gets to read this blog - check out the ticket - we paid ya drongo! We even took pictures of the beach, let me give ya a gander at them -

Just in case you think we asked someone to take these pictures whilst we slept, here's me on the beach!

Oh and these guys were parked in there before we left the car park - now err hate to be a drongo myself but erm can't a stretch hummer fit more people in than a teeny tiny campavan?

And not to put too fine a point on it who sleeps between 3:30pm and 7:30pm? It's not like we're European and on Siesta time! So Off we set to find a place to bed for the night. Now the Jucy kiwis has been kinda thorough but forgot to tell us about the ventilation. So for half the night we slept in our own sweat lodge and hallucinated on lack of sleep, till in a heated haze I spied a latch in in came air enough to blow dry our sweat ridden hair, ah a sigh of relief and thank goodness we didn't need to de-gas before!

P.S. The Virgin is a Virgin plane http://www.virginblue.com.au/, Our campavan is from Jucy rentals http://www.jucy.com.au/ - we had the Jucy crib, sadly we didn't have the sunroof just side windows for ventilation.